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10 November 2014

Letter to Audrey

I can never forget that day. It was 6 years ago, on November 10th. I was trying to stay awake in our class and was listening to our teacher talk about a project or something. Until Lea suddenly broke the peaceful, or rather sleepy, atmosphere when she swung the door open. She was crying and had that miserable look on her face. I've never seen her like that before. She asked to talk to our friend, Cara, outside the classroom. Everyone else must have been wondering what was going on and why did Lea think that something was so urgent that she needed to disrupt the whole class. But deep inside, I knew what was going on. That you were gone.

I knew because weeks before that day, I constantly visited you in the hospital. I could never forget that time when I had to rush to the hospital because apparently you were looking for me. Who knew you could be so clingy? Haha. I saw how you deteriorated into a very delicate being. I knew you felt weak and sick, but I admired you so much for fighting. You managed to entertain people who visited you and talked to me with what was left of your energy.  I'm happy that you didn't have to endure all that pain for long, because you are in a much better place now. I do miss you though. 

Remember almost everyday after school, we used to go straight to your house, or sometimes stop by Figaro (or maybe Starbucks) first, and go "study". Study which meant dance in your bedroom (because as you said, you can't be bothered to do exercise so we danced to get fit), we climbed up your balcony and had dinner under the night skies and just talked about everything. You taught me so much and I owe a part of me to you because you were such a best friend to me. Since grade school, along with our other close friends, we were partners in crime. Until high school, when we got even closer, you helped me come out of my shell and brought in new people in my life. You even taught me which clothing brands are nice. I still remember you told me that you did not want to buy clothes in department stores. Haha! I also remember how you loved Hilary Duff, and that show One Tree Hill and that movie Meet the Robinsons! 

Well, so much has happened since then. Hilary Duff has come back with a new song. I am now in university and can you believe I moved here in London?! Our dreams to travel are starting to come true. And someday, I know I will have that house we kept on talking about on your balcony. So much has changed, but I'm still your small friend although I'm sure I'm less gullible now. Haha!

There are days I would think of you and feel sad and wish that you did not go too soon. Then I would slap myself for wishing that and for feeling sad. Because that's selfish, I should not hold you back from heaven. I should be happy because you are having so much fun up there! 

You were my best friend (don't worry, you still are) and thank you for treating me like family. I wish I was brave enough to tell you all these before. Now, I have gathered my courage and sharing this letter to others. To let them know how great of a friend you were. Thank you for sending me loads of wonderful people after you left. I love you Audrey!

Remember when we were in grade school? We even had this large group of friends and we called our group "JACPAC". We thought it was the coolest name and I guess we felt cool too, but it just makes me giggle now that I remember it. Also, see that charm bracelet? We had such a good time when we got that. We had a sleepover at your house, together with our close friends in GCF. Then went out to Shang and bought our version of "friendship bracelets". So. Cool. Or maybe not.

Here's proof that we did go to Starbucks after school (and our attempt to do homework). I even think it was you who brought me to Starbucks for the first time! Maybe that's why I felt the need to document our experience in a dirty napkin. 

It's so strange why I wrote those last words in my letter to you. But all I know is that we did have a good time. And I know you had a great life. 

I will see you soon, okay?

With lots of love,

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